Grown
by Aishiteru
Summary: Sequel to Breathe and Desert Memories. After the ending of ffix. It's a 'happily ever after' for Zidane and Dagger. Or is it? Are the two having trouble? Eiko returns to Alexandria, fully grown. She may be just the match to set off Zidane.Chp. 2 is
1. Part 1

* * *

grown

* * *

By Aishiteru  
  
Eiko Carol was beautiful.  
  
At seventeen, she had grown out of the gangliness of her childhood and early adolescence. She wasn't fully developed; but the promise of forthcoming beauty was evident in every line of her lithe body, in the flickering expressions across her face. It only made her lovelier; and the clichés about her beauty resembling 'that of a tightly furled rosebud" were actually deserved.   
  
And Father was taking her to Alexandria.  
  
The last time she had gone, she had been all of fourteen; still embarrassingly lanky and clumsy, right in the middle of a growth spurt. True _that_ hadn't lasted long; she would never be the Lindbulm court lady ideal - tall and voluptuous - but she was satisfied with her own form, slim, and petite.  
  
Rather like Dagger's actually.  
  
She whirled around her room; small considering she was a Princess now, but larger then the dining rooms in most homes. It was draped in soft velvety folds of varying shades of green; sparked here and there by pale rose. Very feminine. At first, as a young girl she had been overwhelmed by it's grace, but as Mother had told her, she had grown into it.   
  
Her skirts whirled in a graceful circle round her legs; it had taken a long time for her to become accustomed to their heavy silken weight, and to walk with the tiny swaying steps required to make it look like she glided instead of strode. She smiled, remembering her awkward carefree youth, and touched the entwined ribbons binding back her long fall of rich purple hair. _Mog. . ._Her hair had long ago grown out of the ragged cut she'd worn as a child; now it slid, a shining length, past her hips. It was murder to wash, but worth it.  
  
Yes, you're beautiful, Eiko. She knew it in the envious eyes of the other noble ladies, in the speculative eyes of the young heirs and lords.   
  
The question was, was she beautiful enough?

* * *

Alexandria Castle rose on the horizon, the Summoning Blade gleaming darkly in the setting sun. It was almost evening; the city was lit up with candle and lamplight, shining like a jewel amidst the dark expanse of its guarding lakes. The sound of waterfalls rose above the engines, and the Princess of Lindbulm closed her eyes, hands clenched in wide skirts, composing her frayed nerves.  
  
The gown she had selected with Mother was a deep mossy emerald silk; green still was and always would be her favourite colour. It was lightly frosted with gilded embroidery, a tracery of delicate vines winding up the fitted sleeves, and coiling down the train. The narrow bodice outlined her equally narrow waist; but the neckline was depressingly high. It _had _been selected by mother after all. Butterflies kicked in her stomach; and she laid cold trembling hands over them.   
  
_Zidane!  
  
_Oh, he was married to Garnet now she knew. And she didn't have a hope of even being compared to the Queen of Alexandria's famed beauty. But she wanted to look into those blue eyes; eyes she had adored for so long; and see the knowledge that he found her. . .  
  
Desirable.  
  
She _needed_ to know that. Even after all these years, her childhood crush was still in full force. She had done her best to out grow it; but it simply wouldn't go away. Even now, her heartbeat rose just thinking about him, and a flush heated her cheeks. Her hands twisted together, even as the _Hilda Garde III_ touched down into the castle port. Funny; usually she wasn't airsick at all unlike mother, but today she felt faintly nauseous.   
  
It was probably just nerves.  
  
Father swept out of the main cabin; even after twelve years, he had barely aged; perhaps there were a few more grey hairs spotted among dark, but that was all. Mother was on his arm, gowned in amber silk and lace, always outwardly the perfect lady. Father reached out with his other arm, and Eiko took it graciously, with a single winsome smile.  
  
"Don't smile like that Eiko. You make me nervous."  
  
"Father!"  
  
He chuckled richly. "Zidane and Garnet are going to be so surprised when they see you, darling. You've grown up so much."  
  
She smiled proudly, lifting her chin.

* * *

"Uncle Cid!"  
  
The Queen abandoned all formality, flinging outside the heavy ermine robe, and doffing her elaborate crown. Dagger had been holding official court, and had rushed out of the throne room as soon as her page notified her of the Hilda Garde's arrival.   
  
Cid let go of his wife and daughter, and embraced his god daughter back.   
  
"It's so good to see you Uncle Cid. Three years is just too long without visiting!"  
  
He smiled, chucking her chin affectionately. "You could visit us in Lindbulm once in a while, my dear."  
  
She shrugged, spreading her hands slightly. "I would, except for all these pesky petitions, and _Zidane_ never helps me. . ."  
  
"I'm hurt."  
  
Eiko spun around; behind her. . .  
  
Zidane.  
  
Even after all these years, she still was shocked by the surprises living royally had wrought in the blonde once-thief. The careless blonde hair was the same; but Dagger had tamed the short ponytail into a long plait trailing over one muscular shoulder. Gone was the blue cotton suit; instead he wore fine silk brocade, stiffened with swirling embroidery, though it was all still in blue. A long coat, a finely textured white shirt, and a masterfully folded cravat. Loosely fitted breeches, white stockings, and black boots. . .he was the very picture of the up-to-date court dandy.  
  
"What's this?" he laughed, as she rushed into his embrace. "Has little Eiko grown up while my back was turned?"  
  
Cid beamed, all proud father. "It seemed like only yesterday. . ." he reminiscenced.   
  
She looked up into those sapphire eyes, eyelids demurely shadowing her eyes, lashes long against her pale cheeks. And she saw. . .  
  
Affection. Surprise. But not.. .  
  
He still only saw her as a child. Bumbling Eiko. . .Constantly having to be rescued, but the part of the damsel in distress had already been taken. She left his arms, and simply let herself be dragged along in the conversation, her mind tumbling with disappointment and chagrin.

* * *

_Of course he wouldn't notice you, you're only an ordinary plain little thing. . .he has one of the greatest beauties in the world as his wife; and before then, he probably had his pick of the ladies. . .there's no way he'd even _look_ at you as anything other then a child. . .like his niece, or even his _daughter. . .  
  
She brushed through the long purple hair ruthlessly, uncaring of the pain. It was nothing compared to the trauma done to her heart.   
  
_Unworthy, unworthy. . .Can't do anything right. . .Pathetic. . .Still trying to get his attention even after all these years. . .  
  
_"Eiko?"  
  
She jerked up at the sound of that concerned voice, brush flying out of her grasp. "Zidane?" She was suddenly abruptly aware she was only wearing her nightgown; true it was fairly thick for winter, but still. . .It wasn't _proper. . .  
  
_Oh, who cared anyway. It was only Zidane, and he would only see her as a child anyway.  
  
"Are you alright? You were quiet at dinner."  
  
"I.. .I'm just tired Zidane. It's alright."  
  
He came up behind her, and she stared into their reflection in the dressing table's mirror. He noted the slender locket around her neck and smiled.   
  
"You're still wearing it!"  
  
He had given it to her. For her birthday, seven years ago. Of _course_ she would still wear it.  
  
"I never take it off."  
  
He smiled again, slightly quizzically. A blonde eyebrow rose. "C'mon Eiko. . .you can tell me what's wrong, can't you?"  
  
"Really, I. . .I'm just tired."  
  
He frowned pensively, his eyes filled with his concern, and she felt obscurely better. "If you need to talk. . .you know where to find me. You know Alexandria Castle as well as I do!"  
  
She bent her head, retrieved the hairbrush, and resumed untangling her hair. "Thanks Zidane."  
  
"Well. . .goodnight."   
  
He touched her shoulder; his hand was so warm. . .  
  
Then turned, and left.

* * *

Dawn was clear, with the peculiar clarity that only comes with the morning light. She woke, and stretched, and somehow in that light, her troubles didn't seem nearly as bad.  
  
The song of the Eidolons was particularly strong today, washing through her slender form for an almost tangible force. She could hear their unearthly voices. . ._It happens today. . .It happens today. . .  
  
_Plead as she might, they wouldn't tell her _what _was happening today.  
  
She donned simple clothes; wide legged pants, with a slim fitting tunic. Why bother with a skirt? She obviously wasn't impressing anyone with it. Besides, she wanted to re-explore the Alexandria Castle Gardens, and see if they were as she remembered.  
  
She slid down the banister to the ground level of the castle, servants turning around to laugh or gape at her antics. But they should be used to it; her Royal Highness Princess Eiko of Lindbulm disappeared in these familiar halls, leaving behind only Eiko Carol, who was free to act and do as she liked. It had been like that every time she visited.  
  
Maybe they were new.  
  
She ran out to the Gardens, not caring how she looked, simply feeling young and alive, her blood coursing strongly through her body, and she plunged wildly through the elaborate mazes, following routes she had worked out when she was six.   
  
She came to the fountain, an elaborately carved thing, marvelously simple in it's pure design. A snowy marble statue of the summon Shiva, water gushed from her outstretched hands to cascade down, a sparkling rush into a wide pool. Smack in the middle of a perfectly round pool, it was one of the least visited glades, mainly because most people had a hard time finding it. Not Eiko though,  
  
"I _knew _you would come here!"  
  
And not Zidane.  
  
She turned to the teasing voice, her smile wide and heart felt for the first time. He might not see her as a woman; but that didn't mean they didn't have a bond.   
  
She walked over, automatically lapsing back into the energetic leaps of her childhood, and sat herself down next to him.   
  
"Everything alright now?"  
  
She nodded, kicking her legs back and forth in her restless way.  
  
"That's good. I wish. . ."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Never mind."  
  
"_Zi~_dane!"  
  
He frowned, his own legs swinging. She would've laughed if he hadn't looked so unhappy. The Prince Consort of Alexandria, kicking his legs, dressed in all his cour-  
  
Wait, he wasn't decked out in all his court finery. . .Instead he was wearing something very close to what he had worn in the 'old days.'  
  
"It's just. . .Dagger."  
  
She tilted her head to one side, puzzled. "But you're both so happy together!"  
  
He shook his head, blonde hair waving. "She has. . .dreams sometimes. And they're not. . .they're not. . ."  
  
"They're not?"  
  
"They're not. . .about me."   
  
She blinked. So what if Garnet didn't always dream about Zidane? What was the big deal?  
  
He must of seen her perplexed face, for he shook his head again, this time dismissively. "It doesn't matter. I shouldn't be telling you these things. . ."  
  
"Zidane!"  
  
"Eiko!" he mimicked.  
  
She glared at him.  
  
His mobile face relaxed into it's habitual smile. "You've grown up so much. . .did I say that before?"  
  
She nodded in mock solemnity.  
  
His hand traced a line down her cheek, and Eiko unconsciously held her breath. There was a peculiar abstracted look in his clear eyes, a lingering sadness. His fingers slid down her face, then up, then down again, until he was cupping her chin. The glade was so silent, she could hear her own heartbeat thumping furiously in her ears. . .  
  
Slowly, so slowly, he leaned forward, his lips just lightly brushing hers, then a little more firmly, until. . .  
  
He was actually kissing her.  
  
She half froze for a moment; and then her hands moved of their own will to tangle at the nape of his neck. He kissed her harder, and she closed her eyes, almost swooning. His kiss was delicate, tender, and he was clasping her so tightly; she could feel every sinew and line in his body. His strength startled her. She had always known Zidane was strong - who wouldn't after that last battle with Kuja and the Necron, but this...She flinched away.  
  
He jerked back, blue eyes very wide, and she blinked up at him, not really believing what had happened. Zidane jumped to his feet, and began to back away. "Eiko. . .I'm so sorry. . .I had no right. . .I-I'm sorry!"  
  
She just sat frozen in the sunlight, as he babbled his apologies, then fled. A slender hand rose to her lips, and then she smiled.  
  
Yes, Eiko Carol was beautiful.

* * *

_To be continued. . ._  
  



	2. Part 2

* * *

grown  
part 2

* * *

By Aishiteru  
  
_What the hell did I just do!?  
  
_Zidane ran through the gardens, his mind spinning with the implications of what he had just done. 

_I kissed her. . ._

He could still see the happiness in her eyes, her smile, all so goddamned _happy_, that he had kissed her. Touched her, and enjoyed it.

No, she had always been grateful for whatever scraps of attention he flung her way, never asking for anything, never expecting anything, never doing _anything,_ except to love him with all her heart. . .He could see it shining from those clear green eyes, so pure, so lovely, never touched with any hint of sorrow and guilt.

And he didn't deserve that kind of love.

_How am I supposed to tell you that I can never love you like that, Eiko? You're still a child to me. . ._

But he lied, and his breath came ragged and fast, as he remembered that slender body, so like one he held in his arms every night. 

But Eiko was different, her mind and soul were completely his, she didn't dream of another man, a man who had harmed both of them so. And unbidden came other memories, memories that he quickly shut away, trying not to think of the. . .brother. . .that had survived everything, that dwelt in Black Mage Village as an ordinary Genome.

_I do love you Eiko. . .just not in the way you want. _

_Dagger. . .Garnet. . ._

_Oh spirits, what am I supposed to do?_

* * *

Sunset came early these days, and the sky was bathed a bloody red, even though Dagger's clock had chimed five times mere minutes ago. The Queen of Alexandria paused over her papers, pushing away all thoughts of trade for the moment. The windows beckoned, and she rose gracefully to her feet to nudge them open, and feel the breeze cool her flushed skin. It was over warm in her study; after all, her servants all thought if their was a slight chill, their 'fragile' Queen would fall ill.

She smiled at that, but more at the irony then out of any real feeling of amusement.

She had thought, after everything was over, her life would be simple again. Love Zidane. Marry Zidane. Grow old with Zidane in perfect contentment, guiding her country, and protecting her people.

And to all appearences, the royal couple looked like they were living their happily ever after. _Looked._

So why was it, that buried in her heart, burning in her mind, was another man? She loved Zidane more then _anything; _or so she thought. Yet, unbidden, her dreams would turn, her thoughts would turn to _him._

Dead, yet he still lay between her and her prince, and their happiness.

_Yet I cannot blame Kuja for this, this is of my own mind and heart. Zidane. . .oh, Zidane, I see you grow more distant every day, driven away by my longing for _him,_ when it's you I love, and it hurts me to see you in pain, but nothing I tell myself, nothing I do, changes my stupid inconstant heart. He hurt me, he used me, but somehow, I saw past that, I saw his true self, and love, it was beautiful. _

_He needed me._

_He loved me, in his own cruel unknowing way._

_And he's dead._

_Dead, before I could set him free, dead before I could say all that needed to be said, lost forever to the darkness he so feared. You feared death so much. . .You thought you would live forever, but when you were told you would eventually die. . ._

_In your pride, your vanity, you realized that if you were to die, why shouldn't everyone else? Why should you have to be alone? Again?_

_And I wish I could've just spoken to you once, but it wasn't possible, and that was all I wanted, to speak to you, reason with you. . ._

_And to say good-bye._

_But you died, and I never saw you again, except for that one moment, when you lay alone in the darkness. _

_And you told me to fly free.*_

Her eyes clouding with endless regret, Garnet covered her face and wept.

* * *

The moon shone lambent and pale in the sky.

It's light shone down on Alexandria. It slanted through a set of open windows, turning the form and features of a sleeping Queen into purest silver and ebony, shining on the man who stood near her still form, tail twitching, his mind spinning in a disarray of guilt and despair.

It shone down on another part of the world, peering through a dark tangle of trees, where a village lay in the embrace of a dark forbidding forest.

It shone another man, luminous on fine strands of pale hair, as he turned his face up to the sky, yearning. . .always yearning. . .

But that time was over now, and he had set his canary free. He had stayed carefully absent whenever his. . .brother. . .and she had visited this village. Strange, that he would end up here; none of the Black Mages seemed to bear him any malice, and he drifted through his days here, sometimes working, sometimes sleeping, but it never seemed real.

She had been more beautiful then ever, but he didn't allow himself to look at her for more then a second. Not for him. Never for him. 

He sat in his room often like this, day or night, simply looking at the ever changing sky. He had never tired of simply looking at Gaia's sky, and after the never ending blue of Terra, he was grateful simply to watch the stately gathering of clouds, see them dance, driven by wind, and eventually fall back to earth. . .

As all things must fall.

He often wondered why he was still alive, a mere shell of his former self; although he recognized what he had done was wrong, he felt only a vague kind of shame about it. Nothing mattered now, only the passing of the seasons, the falling of the rain. He could only feel a brief kind of regret for the person he had been. 

_Never again, never again, all things must die. . ._

And so Kuja looked up at the moon, marveled at it's beauty, and patiently waited for death.

* * *

On another continent, Garnet shifted in her sleep, as two tears slid from her closed eyes to fall like rain. And as her husband looked at her, eyes narrowed in anguish, two words escaped her lips, with undeniable feeling.

"Kuja. . .love. . ."

Zidane closed his eyes, and quietly left their bedroom, where he had taken his Queen, finding her asleep in her study. There was only so much he could take. And unlooked for, like a balm for his aching heart, he remembered a pair of emerald eyes, shining with all the love in the world.

* * *

Eiko stared dreamily into her reflection, brush again trailing long soothing strokes through her hair. It had really happened. . .she wasn't dreaming.

Zidane loved her.

A quick clench of guilt hit her - _What about Dagger - _but she hastily pushed it down to where she didn't have to think about it. Dagger had hurt Zidane, who loved her as Eiko dreamed for herself. Hurt him; she had seen it in his pensive expression, in those beloved blue eyes.

So Garnet didn't matter anymore.

No, what mattered, was that Zidane loved her, Eiko. She knew him so well, she had imprinted his every expression on her heart. Of course there had been guilt afterwards; Zidane _was_ married, and he thought - _had_ thought - of her as a child. But she had shown him she was all grown up now.

"Eiko?"

Hesitant, deep, yet there was a raw ache in it. A pain that she had never heard before, except a brief glimpse in the garden.

"Zidane?"

She turned, eyes wide, unknowingly letting all her concern and love for him shine through that single word and her eyes. He looked so. . .sad, except that wasn't nearly a strong enough word for it. His eyes were dark, and they despaired, imploring her. . .

And she knew that somewhere in his soul, Zidane was bleeding.

_Oh, Zidane. . ._

Before she knew what she was doing, she had flown to his side, to peer into his shadowed face. "Zidane? What's wrong?"

"Nothing. . ."

But his eyes told a very different story, and Eiko caught up one his hands between her own, and led him to sit on her bed. "Don't lie to me Zidane. I _know _something's wrong." She knelt next to him, worried face tilted up to his, hands resting on his knee.

_Beautiful. . ._

His eyes roved over her face, desperate to have anything to focus on, focusing on her anxious inquiries, but all he could hear was two words, spoken from another's lips.

_Kuja. . .love. . ._

And before he knew what he was doing, he had caught up the girl next to him, almost crushing her in his arms from his need. . .He needed. . .

And then there was nothing but silence filled by her soft cries, and her warm skin, her sweet lips and the form that was so like _her's. . ._

She was hesitant at first, but he ruthlessly guided her, hands stealing up and down to caress every line of her body, to tease, to excite, until she was breathless and willing. There was nothing else but this; nothing but sweetness of the oblivion of pleasure: gentle, be gentle, this is her first time. . .But even that did not deter him. 

_Mine, all mine. . .She loves me. . ._

His passion rose, and he took her, harder, and harder, until her soft whimpers escalated into full fledged moans, as her slender body rose and fell in perfect harmony under his. There was nothing else but the girl he was making love to, to the girl who cried out her love for him, there was no one else in her mind but him, and he was making love to her for the first time, even as tears spilt from his closed eyes, even as he could see his Princess, asleep, and alone.

* * *

Dawn arrived, and with it, his sanity.

Zidane rose, looking at the contentedly sleeping girl next to him. Her pale skin was slightly flushed; there was nothing covering either of them, and the suite was so warm, they hadn't been woken up through cold. Tendrils of rich purple hair trailed along her body, embracing it's slim curves, echoing places his hands had touched. . .

He clenched them hard.

_You don't deserve this, Eiko, to be treated like this, and I know you'll hate me forever. _

He had been so stupid, and now Eiko had paid the price. Without her virginity. . .the honourable thing to do was to _marry_ her, but he was already married.

And he loved Dagger.

And he loved Eiko.

He was so damn selfish. Gently, he picked her up, freezing when she stirred, and murmured incoherently. Her nightgown was torn; no doubt by him. It was bloodstained with her maidenhead, and Zidane simply wadded it up, and tossed it into the fireplace. He turned back the covers on the bed, and gently eased her in. She was exquisite, her face peaceful in slumber, a small unbearably happy smile curving the corners of her full mouth.

_You're all grown up._

But no, she was a child still, in her innocence, in her undemanding love. And he had abused both.

He sat watching her for a long time, but when Eiko awoke, she was alone.

* * *

_Author's Note: Angst, angst, angst, angst. . .Heheh, what did you think? *If you don't know what the hell this section is talking about, go read the second part of "Breathe." Or if I haven't uploaded it yet, it's basically this:_

_Zidane and everyone are on the way to Memoria to beat the stuffing out of Kuja. Garnet is being angsty, as they wander through memories. They beat the stuffing out of Kuja. They beat up that bloody Necron. Then Zidane decides to stay behind, and Dagger says goodbye to him. The airship takes off, and Dagger is peering over the side, tears in her eyes, when she hears Kuja's voice, whispering "Fly free canary," and she can see him, all bashed up and alone. In case you couldn't tell, Kuja and Garnet have retained some of their mind link from when she was a prisoner in the Desert Palace._

_ Sorry for the long wait for this chapter; I was REALLY stuck. I hoped you enjoyed this part of "grown", it wasn't as descripty as the first part, but *shrugs* oh well. _

  
  



	3. Part 3

* * *

grown  
part 3

* * *

By Aishiteru

They grew adept at finding secret places to indulge their love. She was something that Zidane could not give up; no matter what guilt and remorse he felt. They were above suspicion; the Queen's beloved consort, raised from the populace, and the young innocent Princess of Lindbulm, whom the citizens had seen grow up. Trusted. And it grew even easier when an urgent crisis came up in Lindbulm (negotiations with the Genomes had gotten rocky over a dispute about the different technologies) and Regent Cid and his Lady had flown back post haste, leaving Eiko in Zidane (and Dagger)'s care. 

And with Dagger distracted and fretful, occupied with governing a thriving, growing country, it was easy for the two to slip off, and find a secret place in the gardens, or in the deserted areas of the castle. Sometimes Eiko thought she was dreaming. It _was _like a dream, a long unending summer's day, filled with soft caresses and pleasure filled hours. And the guilt was easy to shove to the back of her mind while he was with her.. 

But the day that the lovers woke up began the same as all the others in their long affair.

* * *

They met in the gardens, morning light pooling with almost painful clarity around them. As he moved towards her, Zidane could only stare, entranced. She had begged off, making mysterious excused for almost four days, leaving him stewing in worry and guilt. But now that he saw her...

Yards of delicate gold veined silk cascaded around her slender figure, tight around the waist and bodice, and immodestly low, although that was somewhat covered by white frilly lace that could not compare to the perfect creaminess of her skin. He could see the beginning of her slender breasts at the daring neckline, and could see her flush modestly as she took in his reaction. 

Strands of rich purple hair were caught up in an elaborate knot of braids, high on top of her fragile face, then falling in an endless tumble down her back. As he breathed in, he could smell her fresh clean scent, and ached to hold her. She smiled shyly as she stood to receive him, making a little twirl to show her finery off to the best advantage. "Do you like it?" she asked a little timidly. This was the first dress she had actually bought on her own; mother had always helped and advised her on what to wear, and she wasn't sure if she could pull it off. It was certainly more daring then anything she had worn before....

He did not speak, but the look in his eyes answered her, even as he pulled her to him for a breath taking kiss. As they reluctantly parted, breath coming harsh and fast in heated passion, he shook his head, smiling. "Didn't we say we were going to the South Tower today? We wanted to go to the roof..."

She nodded, then took his hand, kilting her skirts up with the other. "Let's go!" She ran freely, laughing, and he laughed with her.

* * *

Dagger rubbed her eyes wearily, then went back to studying the documents Cid had sent over. It seemed that the disputes with Black Mage Village had somehow been smoothed over (she sensed Lad Hilda's hand in this) but their was still more to be discussed. Cid suggested that they all convene at Alexandria for an official meeting, writing rather wryly 'that it would be a reunion for her as well.' In his typical 'efficient' way, he had already sent out invitations, and taken care of everything. She laughed out loud. Everyone should arrive tomorrow! Freya, Fratley, Puck, Vivi and his many sons, Mikoto, the Tantalus Crew, who just _happened_ to be in Lindbulm, and even the reclusive Amarant had been found (Lani had dobbed him in).

As she walked some feeling back into her legs, she heard Zidane's rich laughter ring out. It was a sound that she hadn't heard in too long, and her heart caught in her breast, as she peered through her windows. Eiko was dragging him back towards the castle as they laughed together, at quite an undignified pace. She looked down with some fondness at the pair. Zidane had been so unhappy lately, and she was grateful for whatever distraction the young girl could give him. If only her heart and her mind and her time were as free...

Sighing, she went back to work, sealing off all thoughts of her divided heart for 'later.'

* * *

Alexandria and the surrounding countryside was spread out at their feet, but neither Eiko nor Zidane was looking at scenery.

They had finished eating the picnic lunch Eiko had requested from the kitchens, after a few hours of more madcap exploring, and had decided to go up to the roof. Now, where the sun shone the warmest, and conveniently hidden in a hard to see nook, Zidane gently unfastened the ties of Eiko's new dress. Slowly, tantalizingly, the silken folds parted, revealing rose flushed creamy skin, the rounded curve of her shoulders, the clean line of her back. He bent his head to caress her with his mouth, tongue and lips sliding a path from her neck down. She shivered as the rich folds of the material were stripped away, only to be followed by the odd feeling of Zidane's warmth through his own un-discarded clothes. As the last tie came undone in his nimble fingers, silk sighed, and fell in thick pool around her feet. She turned, small hands threading themselves through his sun bright hair, and leaned into his embrace.

"-Master Zidane and Miss Eiko did say they were going to the roof, Princess."

"Hmm, I don't see them anywhere, Dr. Tot."

Zidane faltered, hearing the sound of his wife's voice. She sounded...happy...about something. Eiko arched against him, eyes closed. He could feel her breath coming faster and faster, a quickening of her pulses as she demanded release.

"I know Zidane will want to hear about this, and so will Eiko. It'll be so great, just like old times!"

Dr. Tot laughed. "I hope not entirely like old times. You were all in a great amount of danger so much! Come - I think they mentioned going to the North Gardens; or perhaps they are in your great-aunt's suite; it has about twenty rooms, and a most impressive bathroom."

"What's so impressive about it? I don't remember seeing..."

The two voices trailed away. Zidane and Eiko slid to the floor, limbs intertwined, catching their breath. She turned, and tucked her head into the curve where his neck and shoulder joined, and he leant his chin on her head, inhaling the mingled scents of her and their love making. Shame darkened his sky blue eyes to the colour of midnight, and he drew in his breath with a slight hitch.

"Don't say it."

Her voice was slightly muffled, and when he tipped her chin up to look into her eyes, the pure clear emerald depths were clouded and moist with tears. "Don't say you're sorry, Zidane. Because I'm not."

"Eiko..." _What am I supposed to say? Well, yeah, it was good fucking you, you're a good girl, Eiko. Run along now, and find someone else to roll in the dirt with, I've got responsibilities? I'm married?_

_I love you?_

_Because I do, you know. Brilliant lonely tiny little girl, you followed me around everywhere. At first I was a little resentful of your obvious crush; after all it did get in the way of me and Dagger. But after a while I came to like you, then love you like a little sister, on our journey. And then you came back, all grown up, but not yet a woman, but not a girl anymore either. And you loved me. I loved you. I love you. Forever and ever and ever..._

"We...both knew this couldn't last, Zidane." She pulled sharply out of his arms, and turned away, hair curving forward to shield her her face. "But..." Her face tilted up, and he could see she was crying, the tears sliding silently down. She looked into his eyes, and then smiled through her tears. "...I'm so happy that you finally...I've loved you since I was six years old, Zidane. And...I think I'll always love you. But facts are facts. You're married. And you love Dagger. She loves you. And I love you both, too much to split you apart. And I knew this would happen...but I'm still so happy..."

His heart breaking, but with a feeling perilously close to relief, Zidane pulled the weeping girl in his arms. They lay together in the sun one last time.

* * *

It was something fine and delicate he was working on for once; for so many months he had been working on the Invincible, since he knew it inside and out, and then on retrieving the data storage on it, and then erecting shelters and the necessary equipment to maintain the Genomes and extend the lifelines of the Black Mages. Such tiring tedious work, or so he would have thought so a long time ago. Instead, he laboured with only half his mind on his tasks most of the time, the half quietly waiting, almost in a meditative trance. Nothing seemed to touch him anymore.

This was very fiddley work; a faceted sun-catcher for energy secreted in near invisible places, or disguised as something else, and all the delicate wires and sensors required to operate the small holographic transmittor. In the end, it should be a communicator, a present for Queen Garnet, and her Prince Consort Zidane of Alexandria. There were three more for Burmecia, Cleyra and Lindbulm. Mikoto was leaving early in the morning; the Invincible would take her the distance to Alexandria in a matter of hours. 

"Kuja."

He raised his head, and brushed fine strands of silvery hair out of his eyes. "Yes?"

"You're coming to Alexandria." Mikoto looked at him, implacability written all over her body, the crossed arms, the slightly twitching tail, and the steady blue gaze.

"Am I?" He let something resembling a sneer twist his features. _You'll have to tie me up first._

"Even if I have to drag you kicking and screaming, Kuja. It's not good for you to rot here. You have a soul. None of us here do."

He resumed his tinkering, and did not look at all at her.

"I'm sick of making excuses for you every time Zidane visits. What's more, every letter he sends, he asks about you."

"What about your soul?"

"I'm used to the pace of life here. I lived in Terra all my life before coming here."

"Oh, and I _wonder _where I grew up?"

"You ran away as soon as you could."

He glared at her furiously. "I did not. Run. Away."

"Then you _escaped_ as soon as you could. Before I was manufactured even."

He winced at _manufactured, _or perhaps at her matter-of-fact tone.

"We can argue all day if you wish. But it won't change that you're going, even if I have to drug you."

"Then I won't eat."

She produced a small can from the hand she had had tucked behind her back. He sniffed the air in alarm, noticing with some apprehension that his sight was already starting to cloud. "Sweet dreams, brother. I'll wake you up when we're an hour away from Alexandria."

His last thoughts were of incoherent fury mixed with a healthy dose of surprise and amusement, with added surprise that he was reacting so strongly. He hadn't felt this much since he had last gone up against Zidane. 

* * *


	4. Part 4

* * *

grown  
part 4

* * *

It was something he had always hated. Sleeping, you know. Sleep was usually so unnecessary to his well designed Genome form, and he didn't like the way it separated his body and mind, leaving him with only a blank wall of darkness, with the occasional swirl of red or blue. Harder bursts of light and colour when he squeezed his eyes shut. Sleep was a waste of time, unless he was particularly exhausted.

But now, (_like before_) he couldn't wake up no matter how hard he tried, just couldn't open his eyes. It was the drugs; he could feel them coursing through his veins, keeping him in submission (_no, not again_) but it was only for a little while, not very long, (_nevernevernever again, please_) and, oh spirits, just let me-

"Wake up."

And just like that, he could open his eyes.

Years together let him read the worry on Mikoto's face, but she did not let it show in her words. "We are one hour away from Alexandria. You'll have to disguise yourself; no one knows that you are coming."

Curiously, her brusque attitude made him feel better. _If no one knows you are weak, then you are strong. _"Disguise? Put on a wig and some different clothes?" He let out a crack of rusty laughter.

She looked at him implacably. "While I have only seen you sit like a lump, there were extensive records of your capabilities back on Terra. I read some of them, and still retain the data. I know what you can do, brother."

He sighed, then sat up. Light spilled through the windows, and he could see the clouds rush by, and feel the slight vibration as the Invincible roamed the skies. She had carried him to the cockpit, and laid out a light sleeping pad for him. Typical. 

"Very well," he sighed. He closed his eyes again, and found his inner controls; the powerful magics he used bleached his hair, and for convenience sake, he had switched off his pigment producers. Besides, the natural silvery colour his hair turned suited him. It made him unique, and told the world who he was. The most powerful sorcerer to ever live.

_And the most arrogant, which was your downfall._

Pale blonde ran riot through his long feathery locks, the almost silvery platinum blonde spreading until it covered his normal blue tinted white. He let the colour spread through his long ignored tail as well, and felt his skin darken slightly. Upon opening his eyes, he obediently put on the hard suit Mikoto handed him, then looked at his reflection in the window. 

A Genome looked back.

He winced, then carefully raised a hand to brush back his hair. Although it was- no had been masked by his hair, and the extravagant clothes he had once worn so carelessly, his face was actually very similar to the basic Genome's. He smiled bitterly. Garland hadn't been the most imaginative person. And now with the hair, and the clothes, he was...anonymous. A number.

He looked away. "Is everyone in Alexandria yet?" No need to say who, after all.

"Vivi left some days ago on the Hilda Garde. Regent Cid came by to pick him and the children up. I think you were sleeping when he left. Princess Eiko Carol is still in Alexandria - she has been there for some weeks now. The others should arrive in the evening, or perhaps even tomorrow."

"I see."

But he didn't see really. What was she doing? What did she want from him? Why was Mikoto trying to make him live again?

* * *

The Invincible circled around, a huge creation of silver spangled blue, melding into the sky. The wind of it's passage blew his hair into his eyes, his fine clothes into disarray. Despite the stinging dust that had discouraged all but the most persistent of courtiers, Zidane simply grinned. It had been a very long time since they had all been together. And now, the very first of the arrivals, his strange fey sister, whom he had somehow grown quite close to. Perhaps because she always seemed to understand everything, a silent witness of everyone's struggles. Yet, she never acted on her knowledge, never interfered. 

Slowly, the soul-ship landed, touching down delicately on the recently built port in Alexandria Castle. Before long, the hatch had opened, and Mikoto's slim figure appeared, held rigidly upright. She walked directly out, looking neither left or right, but simply at him. 

Zidane smiled widely, and held his arms wide. "The Prince Consort of Alexandria welcomes the delegate of Black Mage Village to Our City. It has been a long time since we saw you, Your Excellency."

"The delegate of Black Mage Village is grateful for Your Highness' warm greeting," Mikoto recited dryly. "Our journey has been most fatiguing, and we humbly ask Your Highness if we do away with these foolish formalities."

There were some among the 'welcoming party' that raised eyebrows and scandalized whispers at this blunt speaking, but Zidane just shook his head. With a small whoop, he drew off the thin gold coronet denoting his status, carelessly throwing it aside. The Rose of May, Lady Knight Beatrix, present to represent her Queen, shot him a wry look, then stooped to pick it up. He ignored her, then ran forward to embrace his sister. "It's been far too long, Miko," he said fondly. "What on earth have you been doing that's kept you so busy from making the 'fatiguing journey' from the village to here? And how is _he_?"

Mikoto returned his embrace rather stiffly. "Work," she said shortly. "And as for _him_, we will speak of that...in private." Her gaze indicated the swarm of courtiers unsubtly drawing closer.

Zidane's eyebrows shot up. "As you wish." He turned to face his courtiers. "My lords, ladies. Her Excellency has been tired from her journey. She will, of course, later be at your full disposal at the ball my lady Queen has arranged." Mikoto grimaced at his words. "But for now, I ask that you respect her wish for privacy."

Clear disappointment was on the faces of many, but they accepted his command, and swiftly dispersed. 

* * *

It had been a lifetime since he had stridden these halls. Ah, it was all the same, the hideously ugly portrait of Brahne IV, smiling hugely down on her subjects. The swift moving servants, who still had time to laugh and joke between jobs. The smell of beeswax and lemon, from their tireless efforts at cleaning. The yell of the cook in the kitchens. All that time had passed...and yet, everything was the same.

Was even that place the same? The place where she had come to him, so many times? The place where time and time again he had toyed with her, then erased away her very memories? If he were to enter that room, would she follow?

Did he even want her to?

The world had not changed, yet he had. He was no longer the man he had once been. Was it for the better? Or was it for the worse?

No doubt, most would say, it was definitely for the better. But before, he had been...

_Beautiful._

_Powerful._

_Strong._

And now, all he was...was...

_Broken. _

Yes, after everything he had endured, Garland had finally succeeded. He had broken Kuja's soul. But even then, the old man had died (_at your hands) _and Kuja was left to pick up whatever fragments life left him. What was the use? He had left no imprint on this world anywhere.

_I could just disappear...and no one would know...no one would care.._

There were tears in his eyes, he found. As self-pitying and pathetic he knew himself to be, he did not wipe them away, but let them scald a path down his cheeks. He closed his eyes, and tilted his face to the heavens, letting them fall. Nothing but the sound of his own breathing, the hot salty tears falling, hitting the dusty stone floors of this abandoned forgotten part of the palace, a sound almost as imperceptible...

As the faint melancholy strains of harp music. The sound of a voice rising and falling in deep sorrow.

A voice he knew.

That voice erased all time, and sense of being. The sorrow she sang called him, no matter his barely acknowledged guilt and shame, and in a dream...he was following his beloved's voice, through these well-remembered corridors he had once claimed as his own, to the girl he had claimed as his own. 

But she wasn't his. She had never been. His canary had flown away, freed.

He hesitated. His fingers brushed the intricate carving his own fingers had once set, the intertwining dragons dulled. Yes, everything had changed.

Chords chimed, and stilled.

And yet, everything had not. It would be enough...even just to see her again. Even if she recoiled, even if she was disgusted...He just wanted to see her face again.

The door swung open with a gentle creak to herald the way.

The room was in shambles, a full section open to the elements. Yes...that must have happened when he Summoned the Invincible's full fury on the Castle. Inside, the fine tapestries, the delicate paintings, the rich furniture had all withered away. How fitting.

In contrast, she was...she was more beautiful then ever. Her head was bowed, long locks of rich brown hair tumbling over one bare shoulder, while her hands clutched her mute harp. The strings still quivered; their song had not yet been resolved. He could feel the tears rising to his eyes, a hand over his mouth to keep him from the laughter, and the tears that would surely spill out. She had not changed at all. She was...beautiful. 

"Is there something wrong? I asked...to be left alone." Her voice was light, yet rich. A voice of filigreed silver, it's song enough to enchant the cruelest of sorcerers. He was drowning in his memories of her, yet somehow, it was enough simply to look at her, to hear her, to bathe in her presence. 

_"Do you truly enjoy tormenting people?"_

_"Of course I do. You most of all, sweet canary."_

_"Is that so?"_

_"What do you mean, 'is that so'!? I said it is, have I not!?"_

_She had turned her face away, dark hair demurely veiling her face from his greedy eyes. "So you have."_

_"Why do you ask me these questions!?" he had demanded crossly._

_Her eyes were endless pools of shadow as she replied. "Why haven't you killed me?"_

_The world stopped. He couldn't breathe. Why...was she...Why _hadn't _he...._

_Because....I.....I..._

".....really do...love you..." His words were quieter then the sound of tears falling, yet somehow she still heard. In a rush, her head jerked up, dark hair billowing back to reveal her face, dark eyes widening their surprise, then narrowing, the thick lashes beating up and down rapidly...Her harp spilled from her lap, the last touch of her fingers bringing forth a discordant jangle of notes.

He had done it again! His very presence harmed her...diminished her!

"K-K..Kuja!?"

He did not stop for her exclamation, although the sound of his name uttered by that voice was sweet. -_How does she recognize me, I do not look as I should!- _Was his only coherent thought as he fled down the corridors.

"W...Wait! Please!"

He risked one glance back. She had gathered her long skirts up and was running after him? Why? He wasn't...he didn't deserve to be in her presence! He ran, the breathe gasping from his lungs, although surely he could go much faster then this...his was a genome's body, she should not be able to catch up to him...she was gaining!

He plunged down tower steps two at a time. He stumbled, behind him...

"Wait! Kuja..please!" She was still behind him! He rushed down again, when a frantic cry halted him in his tracks.

From above, she had been pursuing him...yet her long silken skirts, so like the ones he had imprisoned her in, had been her undoing. They had tangled, tripped, and now...

_She was falling!_

She would fall, the delicate bones left to shatter against hard unforgiving stone as she tumbled down again and again...Blood would mar that creamy skin, and she would be in pain..._She would die._

Faster then thought, he had leaped to save her. His body intercepted hers a scarce second before they hit the ground; his breath was jerked from him, but he grimly held onto her, shielding her from harm as they tumbled down. Some sane part of him thought to protect her head with his hand, while the other remained firmly locked around her waist. 

They were falling endlessly...yet it wasn't so bad, because she was safe, and he had been able to hold her for one last time. 

And then the world stopped again, and they were lying entwined, battered, yet whole, together. He was only dimly aware of the sensation of cold stone underneath him, of his bruises and hurts. Because...she...his canary was...

"You're alive," she sobbed. Her fingers entwined into his hair, and she clung to him as if she would never let go. "I don't know and I don't care how, but you're alive. You're alive!"

* * *

_Author's Note: *sobs* For months this chapter WOULD NOT WRITE, and just all of a sudden I could write today! *pummels writer's block* Well, the end is in sight, folks! The next chapter should be the last, or at least the second last! I thank you all for reviews. And no, I don't think I'll venture into Zidane x Kuja slash...It's just too scary! Well, Grown has returned to this AU series Garnet x Kuja roots, even though writing about Eiko was quite interesting. The series is, if you were wondering:_

_Mind Game  
Desert Memories  
Breathe  
Grown _

_Mind Game started out as something I wrote just to see if writing a lemon (i.e a sex scene) was actually possible. You should never ask yourself questions like "Even I could write something better then this," because this is where it will take you. It was......very weird. *consults romance novels* If you've read them all, you'll note that my 'lemons' get steadily less lemonish - because it just weirded me out too much, call me immature. Nonetheless, the character interaction, as mature and vaguely AU as it was, wouldn't leave me alone, and I had to see where my soap opera tendencies would take me. Plus, I liked doing the descriptions (no NOT those ones, you HENTAIS ^_^), and I think FF9 is uniquely suited for fanfic authors to describe those really fantastical locations and the ornate clothing. Perhaps one day, if I find the time, I'll get to do a 'serious' work on ff9, one that isn't experimental. Well, thank you all for reading! The next chapter should be the last one, and will finish the series. BTW, Grown has been softened a lot for the NC-17 Ban - I modified a fair amount of scenes, and I find I actually prefer this version. However, the old one is still up on my website. (Forgotten my password AND user name....how talented...)_


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